now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
