you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
