hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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