my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
