how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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