Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
