apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
