my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
