We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
