it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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