Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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