i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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