Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize