can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
