My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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