I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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