Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
