I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
