What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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