i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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