take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
