i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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