pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
