the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize