My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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