Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize