i don't like sucking hair
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
