5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
