I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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