Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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