I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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