And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
