could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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