got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
