so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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