wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize