So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
