Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Did I show you my penis last night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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