I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
