You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
