people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
