I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
