Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
