Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
