Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
