I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
