Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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