I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
