3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
