My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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