her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
