so explain again why im purple
no
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
