your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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