no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
