I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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