it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I look better un-naked...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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