By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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