Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
