I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
