Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
