I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
