CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
