I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
