we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
