YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
