he thought i was a dude.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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