its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
