Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
