at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
