i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
