onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
